Sommerleigh Pollonais, Horror Head Writer
In horror movies Final Girls (and Guys) have usually gone through hell and back to survive to the end. But ever so often we get those people who somehow beat the odds of an unstoppable killer when they really should have been goners. People who we’ve seen make countless stupid selfish choices and get their friends killed in the process and yet SOMEHOW these idiots get to see the credits roll.
I hate them and I’m sure you do to. With a huge SPOILER ALERT (obviously) join me as we ring that shame bell at these TOP 7 UNWORTHY SURVIVORS IN HORROR MOVIES:
#7 Sarah Carter from The Descent
This one is number five on my list because you could argue Sarah Carter was mentally broken when she did what she did to survive the cave-dwelling creatures in this movie. Not only had she watched her friends get picked off and eaten one by one, but she also found out her best friend Juno (definitely a horrible person) was sleeping with her husband. That’s not just a friend no-no, it’s a best friend Hell No!
In the final act Sarah not only leaves Juno, she does this by stabbing her with a pickaxe in the leg and leaving her to die, most likely in a horrible, horrible fashion. It might seem justified but it puts a huge blemish on our final girl and makes her survival in the end feel tainted and just a bit undeserved.
#6 Scarlett from As Above, So Below
It’s one thing to fall into a nightmarish situation you have to fight your way out of, it’s a whole other thing when you went looking for said nightmare and end up getting innocent people killed in the process.
So here’s a quick rundown of events in As Above, So Below. Scarlett is out to prove her father wasn’t insane in his hunt for the legendary Philosopher’s Stone. She believes she knows the location and drags her reluctant friend and ex-boyfriend Benji into her search, along with her cameraman George and a group of local French youngsters who are experts at navigating the underground tunnels of Paris. The deeper they venture, the more supernatural things get, and one by one they start getting picked off as it seems they’ve ended up in Hell itself.
To be fair, I’m sure Scarlett wasn’t expecting things to go the way they did but dammit, the woman would not leave well enough alone! I hate it when everyone around a character keeps telling them they’re making the wrong decisions only to have that character (in this case, Miss-know-it-all Scarlett) cajole and manipulate (there might be treasure!) others into doing what they want even as things go from bad to worse. To add salt to the wound (or, as we’re in France, cheese to the baguette?) Scarlett makes it to the end unscathed and gives an interview talking about how she never wanted treasure, only the truth. I’ve never wanted to slap someone so badly in my life.
#5 Kate from Army of the Dead
On one hand, Kate didn’t do anything directly to get anyone killed. On the other hand she’s annoying AF and I literally rolled my eyes when I realised she was the only one to survive Army of the Dead.
Maybe she should be lower on my list but I just couldn’t stand this whiny, annoying character who complained about everything, went where she wasn’t supposed to go, and did nothing to truly assist with the mission the group was sent to achieve. You could even argue if she didn’t try to play hero and run off to find her missing friends (who all die anyway) Dave “Daddy” Bautista would’ve probably made it out alive and in one piece.
She’s an example of the kind of character I hate most in horror movies—the ones that get rewarded for doing absolutely nothing.
#4 & #3 Olivia and Markie from Truth or Dare
It sucks that most of this list is made up of ladies but the truth is the truth, or in this case, Truth or Dare.
Olivia starts out as seemingly the sweetest, kindest person in her group of friends. Granted they all kinda suck personality-wise, but Olivia is supposed to be our heroine. And as the demonic game of truth or dare unfolds we see her make selfless decisions (like asking her best friend Markie to break her arm) in the hopes of protecting them. So it comes as one hell of a shock and a huge heel turn to see during the conclusion of the story Olivia and Markie are given the opportunity to end the game and defeat the demon who created it by killing themselves. A hard choice but it could save countless of lives in the future.
Do they choose to pull an Iron Man and save the world? Pfft! Who cares about the world?! These two (or more specifically our holier-than-thou Olivia) uploads the game to YouTube thereby damning THOUSANDS of innocent souls to death! This movie sucks for many reasons but throw in the undeserved survival of these two and you have yourself one of the worst horror movie endings and two of the worst final girls to ever exist.
#2 & #1 Dana and Marty from The Cabin in the Woods
As bad as Olivia and Markie were as “heroes” in Truth or Dare, there are actually two people who are worse, and that’s Dana and Marty, “The Virgin” and “The Fool” respectively from The Cabin in the Woods.
Keep in mind this list has nothing to do with the quality of the movies per se; I’m focusing here on the deeds of the people who made it to the end. And if you’ve seen this movie you know exactly how things unfold. But in case you didn’t, The Cabin in the Woods is about a group of friends tricked into going to the eponymous cabin where they’re killed off horror-trope style as part of a mysterious ritual. By the end of the movie we’re treated to the fact gods exist and some of them require specific sacrifices to allow the earth to keep on spinning.
While this whole ritual thing by a secret organisation is TOTALLY messed up (and hilariously insane) it’s still necessary for the survival of the human race, and Dana and Marty learn this. They know they need to die for the world to survive. So they do the right thing…right? Did you not read the name of this list?! These selfish bastards light up some weed and go out on a high (literally) as a giant hand emerges from the ground and (I’m assuming) ends all life as we know it! And yes, I know “technically” they didn’t survive but I can’t help but see their actions as totally selfish.
Now maybe they figured a world with rules as messed up as these didn’t deserve to go on. Then again, who died and made these two judge, jury and global-scale executioners?! I’m sorry but if they gotta go, they gotta go!
So if you were depending on any of the people above to have your back, you might just want to get you last will and testament in order. It just goes to show life isn’t always fair, the good guys don’t always win, and some horror movie survivors really don’t deserve to make it to the end.
And you can check out more great horror lists below:
Sommerleigh of the House Pollonais. First of Her Name. Sushi Lover, Queen of Horror Movies, Comic Books and Binge Watching Netflix. Mother of two beautiful black cats named Vader and Kylo. I think eating Popcorn at the movies should be mandatory, PS4 makes the best games ever, and I’ll be talking about movies until the zombie apocalypse comes.
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