Utterly Boring Thriller ‘Smiley Face Killers’ Should be Frowned Upon

Sommerleigh Pollonais, Senior Writer

Plot: A handsome young soccer player named Jake Graham believes he is going insane, and is unable to shake the feeling of being stalked by something, by someone.

Review: Here’s what I got from this movie — I think the director Tim Hunter has a crush on lead actor Ronene Rubinstein (Note: I didn’t put the word “handsome” in the plot description, that’s straight from the movie’s page itself). If he spent half his time focusing on the pacing and editing that he did on Rubinstein’s six pack, I might’ve found something here worth watching.

DIRECTOR: Yesssssss. That’s a great shot. Now cue the sexy saxophone music

I think Crispin Glover (Charlie’s Angels/Back to the Future) had a car payment to make because he’s in this movie for about seven minutes and then he’s gone.

This movie was 96 minutes long. THE SMILEY FACE KILLERS SHOW UP AT THE 87-MINUTE MARK! I haven’t been this bored with a movie since…I DON’T REMEMBER EVER BEING THIS BORED WITH A MOVIE!

In conclusion, Smiley Face Killers has exactly ONE positive as a movie. It would be perfect to show to prisoners you need to extract information from. Is Guantanamo Bay still a thing? If so, ship a copy to them ASAP!

Sommer’s Score: 1 out of 10

Want a review of another crappy thriller? Well you can check out my take on Fantasy Island here

2755F829-2EEC-4A68-B6F7-F963F48C9D92 Sommerleigh of the House Pollonais. First of Her Name. Sushi Lover, Queen of Horror Movies, Comic Books and Binge Watching Netflix. Mother of two beautiful black cats named Vader and Kylo. I think eating Popcorn at the movies should be mandatory, PS4 makes the best games ever and I’ll be talking about movies until the zombie apocalypse comes.

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