Sommerleigh Pollonais, Senior Writer
Plot: Every six years, an ancient order of jiu-jitsu fighters joins forces to battle a vicious race of alien invaders. But when a celebrated war hero goes down in defeat, the fate of the planet and mankind hangs in the balance.
Review: There’s an invisible contract you sign, when you decide you’re a Nic Cage fan. There’s no fine print, no hidden clauses and it just has one line of script for you to put your John Hancock under which states:
“One will not question the bat-crap insanity that may or may not ensue, one will simply enjoy the ride”
Jiu Jitsu is not a movie I recommend watching on your own. No amount of alcohol or weed will make it better (trust me on this one), but, it IS the kind of movie that if seen with the right group of compadres, will have you laughing so hard at the “kitchen sink” directing, the terrible acting, the ridiculous, plot-holed filled storyline, and all of the other cringe-worthy moments that went into making this “movie.”
Now don’t let the marketing fool you, this is NOT a Nicolas Cage led film. He instead plays the “wise” old warrior who guides the young hero Jake on his journey. He doesn’t have that many scenes here and to be fair, he is the LEAST awful thing in this movie. Although, buying him as a skilled swordsman stretched my poor imagination to near breaking levels. Actual star Alain Moussi is most famous for taking over the role made famous by JCVD in the Kickboxer reboot/remake. He’s an excellent martial artist and his fighting abilities are well displayed here. As for acting? Well let’s put it this way, Tommy Wiseau’s acting is Academy award worthy compared to this guy. He also has the screen presence of a watermelon.
All of the fighters are talented to varying degrees with Tony Jaa popping up to do his thing as well, but even poor Tony can’t save this train wreck. I did like the design of the alien but even that screamed rip-off, especially if you grew up watching The Power Rangers or the much better version of this movie called The Guyver.
The direc- (holding my sides laughing for five minutes straight) sorry, the direc- (I CAN’T! I CAN’T CALL Dimitri Logothetis a director without laughing my ass off!)
Let’s start over. The way the camera is HANDLED (much better) in this movie is the only reason I recommend seeing it. Not because it’s great, but because I think this guy took every single camera trick he’s ever seen in any movie ever, and decided he was gonna try all of them here, whether they fit the scene or not! My favorite is a POV shot of Jake fighting some guys, only to have the angle change to their feet, then Jake somehow picks up the camera?! And we’re back to POV! This is just one example of the insanity unfolding in Jiu Jitsu.
So is this a good movie? Hell no! Not even close! But it’s most definitely the kind of movie that’s so bad, you call up your friends and insist they watch it, or better yet, get together and watch it with you.
Because why should you have to suffer alone?!
Sommer’s Score: 3.5 out of 10
Sommerleigh of the House Pollonais. First of Her Name. Sushi Lover, Queen of Horror Movies, Comic Books and Binge Watching Netflix. Mother of two beautiful black cats named Vader and Kylo. I think eating Popcorn at the movies should be mandatory, PS4 makes the best games ever and I’ll be talking about movies until the zombie apocalypse comes.
Double Tap Baby!