Sommerleigh Pollonais – Senior Writer

It’s that time of year again and, depending on who you are, you’re either excited to be hit with Cupid’s arrow or hiding out in a sniper’s nest patiently waiting to put a cap in his cherubic ass.

Yes Valentine’s Day is upon us tomorrow (depending on your time zone) and as a Kevin Bacon of Horror Movies (give me any topic and I’ll link it back to a horror movie in six moves) I wondered, “what can I do to add a little blood and gore to this box of heart shaped chocolates?”…

…I’ve got it!

Here are my TOP 5 FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE COUPLES: 

#5 Mina Murray & Jonathan Harker – Bram Stoker’s Dracula

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I love you Jonnie. And I can look into those eyes for hours. But that accent? Yikes!

I know, I know, THIS movie AGAIN! But I can’t help it – when it comes to love and horror Coppola’s take on Dracula checks all my boxes. But as much as I ship Mina and Vlad, you can argue the true love story here belongs to Jonathan Harker and Ms. Murray.

Poor Jonny is drained of nearly all his blood like a kid’s juice box and still manages to drag himself out of Dracula’s castle and back to his beloved because he knows, not just her life is in danger, but her very soul. And as soon as Mina finds out he’s still alive she leaves the tall dark and foreign prince whose been wooing her using every magical trick in the book, and runs her butt across country to marry Jonathan.

Just goes to show lust is temporary but true love, even for someone who can’t do a British accent to save his own life, wins out every time.

#4 Adelaide & Gabe Wilson – Us/Evelyn and Lee Abbot – A Quiet Place

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I told you, when I’m holding this bat, call me Batman
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EVELYN: I’m thinking about having our mother move in with us LEE: Shush babe EVELYN: What? The monsters? LEE: Yes, the monsters. Shush!

I put these two couples together because they have to fight not just for each other but for their younglings as well.

Both sets of couples show what combined will power is capable of, even in the face of unthinkable odds. Evelyn and Lee dealing with the added burden/insanity of being pregnant while the monsters are a-hunting. Adelaide and Gabe have the disadvantage of being thrust into the beginning of the end of their world and both partners have to lean on each other, while trying to maintain a sense of hope for their kids that they’ll make it out alive.

Children who don’t do what they’re told, monsters who are literally trying to kill you, and a world that will probably never be the same? If your relationship can survive this, it can survive anything.

#3 Rick and Michonne – The Walking Dead

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MICHONNE: What are those two zombies…doing? RICK: Whatever it is, they need to stop. This is AMC, not HBO

Yes I’m cheating here, as The Walking Dead isn’t a movie (yet) but no list like this would be complete without Rick and Michonne.

Talk about two people who complement each other, with both Rick and Michonne knowing what it’s like to lose your loved ones over and over again, yet fighting to protect the people you have left and build a world that’s worth living in. With everyone depending on them to be strong they have only each other to lean on when they’re feeling weak and, like all best friends, good, bad or in-between, they always have each other’s back. Whether it’s a herd of walkers (just call them zombies already and get it over with!) cannibalistic humans or a nutter named Negan, Richonne is gonna get it done!

#2 Shaun & Liz – Shaun of the Dead 

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SHAUN: I love you Liz LIZ: I love you…hold on. You’ve got some zombie guts on your face there. Let me just move that

We’ve all done this from time to time – you  see a couple together and you think to yourself “He, she could do so much better” or “Why are they even together?” And if you somehow have the cohones to outright ASK the question out loud, the answer you might get (besides mind your own damn business!) is, “because no matter what, he/she is always there for me”.

That’s how I feel about this next couple from Shaun of the Dead. When this movie starts, you see a guy who’s basically sleep walking through his life, making as little effort as possible when it comes to his job and especially his girlfriend. But as soon as the brown stuff hits the fan, his first thought (besides rescuing his Mum, because he’s a good son) is making sure his girlfriend Liz is safe.

Let’s hope the person you’re crazy about is crazy enough to face a zombie horde to protect you. That would at least make up for all the times they forgot to buy you flowers and candy on V-Day.

Honourable Mention: Chucky and Tiffany – Bride of Chucky

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Dang! This new line of Cabbage Patch Dolls are ug-ly!

So what if your boyfriend is a serial killer who transferred his soul into a doll and then killed you and did the same? At least you get to go on killing sprees together and you never have to worry about wrinkles and crows feet. So…win-win?

#1 Ed and Lorraine Warren – The Conjuring franchise 

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Aww. Isn’t that sweet. Look at the two of…BOOM! Demonic nun jumps out of the bushes! #jumpscare #peepeepantscity

Leaving the real life couple out of this and just focusing on the movies here, Ed and Lorraine Warren are the glue that have kept The Conjuring franchise going. He’s a demonologist and she’s a medium and they both risk their lives and their family to save other couples from things that go CLAP in the night. It’s strange to see a horror franchise that’s held together, not by an unstoppable villain, but by the love, respect and belief two people have in each other. And that together they can vanquish any evil they come up against. As Ash would say, Groovy!

I’ve been thinking back to all the horror movies I’ve seen and I honestly can’t remember any with a couple like Ed and Lorraine. Not only do they have great chemistry, which makes you root for them to survive, but their willingness to risk everything to protect others is pretty amazing. I know I wasn’t doing that craziness for anybody (do these people even pay for their services?!?)

It speaks volumes that the best ranked movies in The Conjuring franchise, are the ones that star the couple. And while I’ll be the first to admit the quality of the films have fallen of late, that doesn’t take away from the fact Ed and Lorraine are the best (and only?) couple to continually kick evil in the nads, and I’ll keep watching them as long as this franchise keeps them around.

So if you’re lucky enough to have someone in your life who would be willing to slay literal monsters for you, don’t forget to let them know you would do the same for them.

Or at the very least, hold the door so they could escape. Should I have put Hodor and Bran on this list?

Maybe next time.

For my Top 5 Movies for the Post- Valentine’s Day Blues you can click here.

Sommerleigh of the House Pollonais. First of Her Name. Sushi Lover, Queen of Horror Movies, Comic Books and Binge Watching Netflix. Mother of two beautiful black cats named Vader and Kylo. I think eating Popcorn at the movies should be mandatory, PS4 makes the best games ever and I’ll be talking about movies until the zombie apoclaypse comes. Double Tap Baby!

You can also follow me on Facebook and watch my movie review videos on YouTube.