Editor’s Note: It is Friday the 13th and the perfect time to get another horror fix from our good friend and guest blogger Moviejunkies:
Ah vacation time. A time to relax, have some fun, and maybe do some travelling. I would avoid the following towns though, unless Murder, Mayhem and altogether awfulness, is your idea of a fun time. Let’s just say, you won’t being seeing these places, on any travel brochures, anytime soon. With a SPOILER ALERT here are the Top 10 Scariest Towns you Never Want to Visit:
#10 Elm Street , Springwood, OH – Nightmare on Elm Street franchise
I know what you’re thinking. That’s not a town MJ, that’s just a street, but you would be wrong, WRONG I SAY!
Fans of this franchise would know, while Freddy started out at 1428 Elm Street, he eventually wiped out all the children that lived in this cursed town (Freddy’s Dead – The Final Nightmare) leaving only his long lost daughter to stop him from branching out into other cities.
#9 Gatlin, Nebraska – The Children of the Corn franchise
I sometimes envy Americans, because they can just load up the car, hit the road and have a ‘stay-cation’ in their own country. Then they end up in places like Gatlin and I think….nah! I’ll save up for the trip to Paris instead.
The kiddies here have gone native and their leader, Isaac makes David Koresh look like Joel Osteen. As a tourist attraction, it blows. Unless of course, you love Corn. It’s growing in abundance and you can stop and pick all your little hands can carry. That is of course, if you survive the blood thirsty brats and ‘he who walks behind the rows’…
#8 Twin Peaks, Washington – Twin Peaks TV series
Look, I’m all for weird stuff. I’m a fan of Robot Chicken for goodness sake, but an entire town that feels like something out of a bad LSD trip isn’t my idea of a fun vacay.
This small logging town seems like any other on the surface. That is until you spend a few days and end up in a red room, with a dancing dwarf or talking to the Log Lady or having your soul banished to live in a drawer knob (yes, you read that correctly).
On the upside, you’ll get one damn fine Cup O’ Joe!
#7 Crystal Lake, New Jersey – Friday the 13th franchise
Now this is more like it! I love the outdoors. Hiking, camping and a lake to swim in. What more can the vacationer on a budget ask for?
There’s just the small issue of a undead, teleporting behemoth in a hockey mask, trying to murder you while you’re getting it on with your bae. Goddamit!
It’s not just Crystal Lake either, as Jason has been known to move around town, killing folks with car trouble or just those who had some bad chinese food and needed to stop at the nearest porta potty.
Maybe we should go to the beach instead.
#6 Ogden Marsh, Iowa – The Crazies
I’m beginning to think small towns are not the way to go when you’re planning your vacation.
Ogden seems like a nice town with decent folks and it is. It’s a slice of small town livin’ served up with local barbecues, baseball games and apple pie.
Like Mexico though, I would suggest sticking to bottled water because while the former will just give you a bad case of the runs, the water in Ogden will bring out the ‘batshit craziness’ in you and your friends before you can say Alka Seltzer.
# 5 Sunnydale, CA – Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series
So we know small towns are not the way to go. So how about some fun in the sun. California. With a name like Sunnydale, how bad can it be? Well it’s built on a Hellmouth, so….there’s that.
Vampires, werewolves and witches, oh my! The death toll makes Detroit feel like a safe option, especially if you also attend school there. Yep, the chances of survival aren’t great, unless you happen to make friends with a certain chosen cheerleader. Although, it could be fun to pay Sunnydale a visit if Halloween is your thing.
Although I recommend visiting Universal Studios instead. The chances of being eaten alive is significantly lower.
#4 Haddonfield, IL – Halloween franchise
We’ve all had to make that trip to visit family members in other towns. But if your loved ones happen to live in Haddonfield, might I suggest using Skype instead?
Michael Myers is also fond of staying connected with family members, even the ones who would prefer he just send a postcard from time to time. And Haddonfield isn’t a place you want to be, when this kind of crazy is out and about.
Might I also suggest not taking any babysitting gigs while you stay there. The pay isn’t good and the hours are killer! MUHAHAHAHA! (Sorry, couldn’t help myself).
#3 Antonio Bay, CA – The Fog
Antonio Bay. I’m picturing sun drenched beaches, warm weather and lots of outdoor activities. One small problem. There’s a fog rolling in and this fog ain’t of the London variety. It just so happens the residents of Antonio Bay may have pissed off some long dead settlers who are using this unholy fog to murder everyone in town.
Time to pack up and hit the road again! At least the radio should be playing some good tunes as the DJ, Stevie Wayne, is broadcasting all night from the lighthouse and making sure we know where the fog is at all times.
#2 Silent Hill – Silent Hill (duh)
Another town with a serious fog problem, Silent Hill is one of those places you don’t actually go looking for (unless you’re looking for a missing child/wife, or you’re suicidal), but it’s one of those places you might stop and ask for directions on your way to your awesome vacation spot.
This would be bad. Don’t stop. Drive on your flat tire, use pee if you run out of gas, I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD WORK, JUST DON’T STOP IN SILENT HILL!!
#1 Derry, Maine – It
I would visit every other town on this list, before I would go to Derry.
The other towns have issues like undead killers, polluted water that turns you into zombies and killer kids. These all seem like issues you can avoid by just getting in your car and going to some other part of town. Not here though, because there isn’t a freaking lamppost in Derry that isn’t the stuff of nightmares.
Not only do they have killer shape shifting clowns living in their sewers, but anyone who’s read the Mayor of Derry, Mr Stephen King’s books, know you can’t visit the library, the river, the park, hell, the bloody standpipe even!
And if you thought you only had to worry about a clown with a taste for children, then you’ve never read Insomnia or seen The Stand and The Dark Tower, because The Crimson King aka Randal Flagg aka possibly Satan himself is a fan of Derry and has visited from time to time!
Maybe, instead of going on vacation this year, we just stay home and watch Netflix instead.
For more from Moviejunkies and their Top 10 Ugliest/Scariest Movie Vampires you can click here. And to like the Moviejunkies Facebook page, which features a tonne of cool TV, movie, comic and video game stuff, you can click here.